Since June I have survived with the help of strangers and a hardy core team – angels all. As I careened from triumphant retirement from an arduous (how that definition keeps changing!) long distance clinical trial year to an unbelievably short cancer vacation interrupted by a truly shocking cancer surge, I found my situation too demanding to cope with my many friends’ confusions. My rollercoaster ride, after four years, seemed to jar many friends off the course back in June just as my own vocabulary and capacity for explaining what I have always expressed as a terminal path, diminished.
My coping attitude was, “Seriously, YOU’RE confused?”
I dropped seeing folks. I didn’t have the energy to support external confusion about my saga. I knew our mutual love was as strong as ever but that we now had contrasting needs. I couldn’t educate beyond my blog right then.
My world was reduced but then re-expanded. A trusted core stayed present and new angels stepped forward. A neighbor in a basement apartment next door started leaving flowers and cheer. Old friends agreed to host me with no hesitation as I popped up needing a bed and a toilet to puke in – definitely not an ideal guest! – and the simple yet extraordinary lengths they went to, provided deep solace. The New Yorkers on buses and street corners who saw my moments of need and were there or just stepped aside.
When I relocated to Marin County, California for care I knew NO ONE and, worse yet, this was not a community (think suburbs and small towns) that you can operate in on your own. Cars and money are required. I composed a five-sentence plea for support, sent it off via facebook and found myself adopted by a new crew of angels. They asked nothing from me and have been driving me,
and loving me ever since only expanding the amount of love they offer with each visit. I truly enjoy my treatment visits to Marin County!
This last trek, courtesy of Angel Flight West, volunteer pilots flew me from Portland to California! These new angels have eased my enduring efforts to make treatment into vacations. Who has time for pre-treatment nausea when you are touring the vast and gorgeous landscape of Oregon and California at 8,500 feet? How grand might you feel stepping off your private plane, onto a small tarmac, bypassing the germs and chaos of commercial air travel, to find a friend with car feet away ready to take to you the next leg?
Cancer may suck, but angels’ rock and roll!
The power of strangers is they accept you as you are. You can either take them in or walk right by depending on your own needs. They aren’t bogged down by the complexities of your saga. It’s very simple. You have a current need. They never tell me that they just can’t track where I am when. I am there. In need. Case closed.
Thank you, Angels, new and old, obvious and hidden, you keep me going.
How does okra tie in with angels? You would know right now if my new exhaustion levels didn’t force the okra story to be tabled to the next post. But stay tuned; it’ll be worth it. Okra always is.