A Time to Nap


The same day my formal notification came to say that my drivers license is about to expire, I understood that I would not be legally allowed to drive for at least a year. Ho hum. I am slow to comprehend my new limitations. Much of the three weeks in San Jose remain lost to me – I was unconscious. My husband repeats what happened and it seems like a fresh story each time. The after effects of the brain seizures leave me confused so I need to go back to, “and why do I need to do this?”

I use a cane when I walk outside. I don’t walk my dog. I do physical therapy every day. I sleep 12-18 hours a day. I always want to lie down. I am confused often (“Can you repeat that please.”) I must take a drug for the rest of my life that triggers such exhaustion. I am a brain seizure patient.

Yesterday a hospital visit led to a paracentesis where 3+ cancerous liters were drained from my belly losing 8 pounds and offering much immediate relief by removing from my list of woes an inability to eat or drink, significant constant GI distress and lower back pain.

I await my actual treatment plan for my cancer. I am too tired for emotions. And now I shall take a little nap.

Thank you for my friend Holly masterminding the maneuvers and my husband for coping with way too much while I sleep. Sleeping = Recovery.

About marcy westerling

I am a long time community organizer with a passion for justice and founded the Rural Organizing Project in 1992. Derailed by a Stage IV Ovarian Cancer diagnosis in spring 2010, I have stayed in treatment since then. I am learning how to embrace livingly dying and hope that by starting a Phase One immunology clinical trial at UPenn in spring of 2013 I will have more time to find the sweet spots of thriving while terminally ill.

37 responses »

  1. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, thank you for taking precious time to keep everyone updated

  2. Wishing you and yours peace and continued healing with continued prayers that the miracle that is our body will carry you through. ♡

  3. Echoing appreciation for you being you where you are in your journey & wishes, prayers, meditations in lovingkindness for healing, rest, comfort, ease, peace for you & your worldwide & beyond family. Roz

  4. Deep, peaceful sleep, Marcy. Wishing continued support from your community for you and your husband. Maybe you can/are dictating your posts to someone to save your precious energy.

  5. “There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved” – George Sand

    You are definitely LOVED by many, many, many and more!!!

  6. Dear Marcy,
    Thinking of you and so glad our paths have crossed. May you and yours be surrounded by love and support for whatever comes next.

  7. I am always amazed at your determination. Was talking to a employee of mine yesterday that brought up a book he reads parts of every month. Man’s Search for Meaning is a 1946 book by Viktor Frankl chronicling his experiences as an Auschwitz concentration camp inmate during World War II, and describing his psychotherapeutic method, which involved identifying a purpose in life to feel positively about, and then immersively imagining that outcome.

    As cancer patient we have to have a purpose to live and different for all of us. Your a helper or even I should say a pioneer. Mine is God, family, friends and my little dog and to help women in future find a cure for ovarian cancer so will be doing trial in April at Penn in Philadelphia when I get exact date. Don’t know soul there so I am trying to find someone there to stay, rent or stay at Hope with me. Lots of things to overcome it is not easy.

    Marcy you have done a lot of stuff. I’m On Carboplation and Gemzar now. I did previous trial but Target Now test showed none of chemo worked for me. 16 months taking chemo not trageted for my cancer but those test weren’t available before that trial. Target Now changed their name to Caris Target now but not sure about if best or not here is comparison of 2 companies that do test if anybody has done either http://talkabouthealth.com/what-is-the-difference-between-the-weisenthal-caris-target-now-lab-results-and-in-which-situations-do-you-recommend-their-use.

    Who knows it is sad to know we don’t know accuracy. I should try other company too but these test were $10,000 2 yrs ago.

    God speed Marcy I will say prayer for you. Wish you were close I would try help you. I live in AZ

  8. Oh, dear Marcy…I am holding you in loving, healing light.

    May sleep wrap her loving arms around you and sing sweet lullabies into your heart’s ear.

    May you be restored and renewed at ever deeper and deeper levels.

    You are so beautiful.

    You are so loved.

    May your circles of supporters, near and far, feel our connection, our intentions for well being and our trust in greater unfolding process.

    Loving you,

  9. Sweet Marcy,

    You are safe. You are home. You are loved. Put on some soothing music, close your eyes and feel the amazing circle of love surrounding you. Rest. Heal. And imagine a huge hug from all of us!


  10. Thank you, Marcy, for what you began in Columbia County. Your legacy continues. Love and peace to you. Marilyn Allen

  11. Marcy,

    I hope that you have had a peaceful and resful nap over the last few days. I aslo hope that you have had some time to spend in your meditation garden that you created awhile back…..and that are enjoying this magnificent Spring that we are having here in Oregon.

    As Lisa Bonchek Adams (who left us on Friday) once said in her one of her blogs:

    “Find some beauty in the world today…..share it. If you can’t find it, create it”

    Blessings and peace, Marcy.


  12. Dearest Marcy, Sending you and your loved ones positive, hopeful thoughts and wishes.

    Love, Suzanne and David

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