A Brief Update from Marcy
Phew…..my 2015 roller coaster ride continues. In early April intensifying pain turned into non-stop vomiting indicating a bowel obstruction. I was admitted to OHSU, a teaching hospital where courageous bedside manner was being tested as I was informed on the severity of my status. One option presented, being “sent home to starve”, sent my support circle and I into an advanced stage of grief. The hospital advised waiting to see if my body could self-heal through fasting and no liquids to aid bowel recovery. (Please Note: I have since come to understand that being “sent home to starve” is harsh language for a common way to die. As the organs begin to shut down due to cancer, the body no longer wants or needs food and then water leading, in fact, to what can be a very peaceful death.)
As my blog reported on April 7th (With Love and Luck) I did recover from this bowel obstruction but I remain at higher risk for more. As has been true for all of 2015, I continue a downward slide. It hurts to walk, so I don’t walk. I feel my cancer despite my opiate patch.
When first diagnosed I was informed that I needed to learn to live in three month increments. I did. I feel like my new mandate is to live with ten-day increments (the time it would take for a bowel obstruction not to self-resolve) and this feels hard. I need to think about every thing that I put in my mouth. Is it low fiber? My farmer husband is aghast that all that he grows and prepares for me as organic and full grain is now condemned.
I continue to find some amusement in the ironies of life.
Palliative care is now an active team member. They are great. They also advise me against hospice since in hospice I can have no chemo treatment and I would die fast. I am still opting for life.
I had a few days in the hospital where I had NO PAIN. I felt stable for the first time in 2015. I work towards that stability and then rebuilding all the strength I have lost.
This optimism is eased by my latest ca 125 showing a startling drop from 173 to 117. For days I refused to open any other messages from OHSU fearing they would retract the numbers.
Who knows….? My body, my cancer and modern science rules.
Given my current weak status and high need for sleep, I am NOT keeping up with email. If you email me, hold your queries (please!) and instead just give me YOUR update. My blog will do its best to keep you posted.
If you live in the Portland metro area and want to help with daytime transportation or food support, let me know – again most of these helpers will get low contact with me – just talking tires me more than I can afford right now. I am officially dull but eager for your monologues.
Much love, marcy