Tag Archives: meditation garden

Goodbye Sweet Cancer Vacation


My last infusion of chemotherapy was March 15th. I realized that I might be getting a chemo break aka cancer vacation in April just as some of the heaviest detoxing from avistan was happening (relentless headaches and body pain.) My two docs officially agreed to give me the summer off in May. Loving the concept, I greedily pushed to delay testing until August and the answer was yes!

Oregon’s weather during these same spring months was a rare and absolute delight – day after day. Most agree they have never seen a more perfect spring. I took delight hour by hour. My many walks each day slowed by the need to smell too many flowers. My husband finished off our patio giving me a dream location to visit and rest between walks and the occasional task.

The first month I moved slowly with recovery, the second month I jammed in a four state solo road trip across the great northwest then returned home to transform a barren gravel area into a newly envisioned meditation loop. I cleared the area, I gathered 36 boulders from other places into an oval, I dug down two feet to loosen the hard gravel and then relocated five yards of compost berming up my new “meditation garden.” (More on that topic soon.)

My Meditation Garden!

My Meditation Garden!

Done I collapsed thinking, “wow, I might just have overdone these past few weeks.” But I was pleased as I took to rest and recovery. Every day I seemed to need more rest and had a few new complaints but I stayed slowed down and waited to feel better.

Yesterday I sent the below email to friends. My cancer vacation is over. It was a lovely break.

Subject: Marcy’s cancer takes a gallop

As some of you know the last two weeks I have faced dramatic changes in how I have felt. Technically, for the first time feeling “symptomatic.” It was almost hard to take seriously cos the changes are so fast and severe. Almost.

I asked for testing Monday. It was approved Tuesday. Tests happened yesterday. Doc called this morning before 8 am to say the cancer is very active and moving fast. She said she would be back in touch asap w.a plan and “we would fight.” Her immediate suggestion being topotecan and avistan.

I am working to get my files to UPenn hoping they might be game for surgery. I dont believe my cancer is very responsive to chemo. My doc here is not open to surgery. I have not yet seen the report myself but I feel it – deeply and constantly. It is effecting my breathing and moment by moment comfort.

Mike is sad and I am pretty focused with little room for emotions. We had the separate drama of me losing consciousness Tuesday morning. He didn’t like finding me collapsed on the floor bleeding. We think it’s a food/sugar related thing but it’s hard to get a doctor to comment on that right now.

So, not much more to say. I had felt pretty cocky that this was not my year to die but I dont feel cocky about anything right now. Cancer is relentless and random and I am a teeny tiny pawn doing what I can. YOUR support means so much. Right now we have nothing much to say – this is all that we know. Two weeks ago we were on a cancer vacation. ;  ) Neither one of us has much ability to manage a conversation right now unless you are a doc.

I do value what a very lovely spring this has been. Watch out – it’s Friday the 13th out there. Stay safe.

lots of love, marcy10152646_10152422082198708_4231432561548744429_n