Tag Archives: old age

A Look At Envy

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A former colleague joined the recurrent Ovarian Cancer club recently and we have re-connected in a sisterhood far beyond tax fairness. We accept our reality while exploring every avenue for slowing our walk towards death. She wrote a poem I share below. I, with recurrence in 2011, relinquished my envy of old age as I focused on living long enough to turn 60. I have friends who would love to reach 50, or 40, or 30 and suspect they will not. As a child the first phrase that I was ever motivated to memorize was, “I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet.” But admitting what we envy is to be human.

Before dying at age 44, a friend interviewed “little old ladies” so that she could experience that future knowing she would never live it. I loved that problem solving just as I love Sandra’s clarity with words.

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Old Age Envy by Sandra Morgen

Envy unleashed:

walking past a man in his 70s

hauling himself down

an uneven path

before summer heat

boils the morning.

Last night

under a vine maple

lit by a gibbous moon

the silhouette of

a couple in their 80s

her blanched hair escaping hairpins

his back straight with effort

frail fingers knotted.

I used to dread old age

imagining loss, dementia,

fading, being a burden.

Cancer trumps those forebodings

incubating envy

but not resentment

an aching appreciation

of what is unlikely to be.

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