Pain was my companion for all of January, February and March of 2015. Extreme, escalating and new types of pain brought me to the ER early April 2nd. Today, April 7th, I was cleared to order real food! If I can keep it down, I can go home later today or tomorrow. A Fentanol patch now experiments with keeping me pain free for the rest of 2015.
The week was full of gloom and doom – dire language from docs predicted a direct pathway to death. My friends and I cried a lot as we planned my burial, memorial and more.
Yesterday four liters of fluid were removed from my belly. No doctor expected that I really had ascites. I pushed for an ultrasound. With ten pounds of ascites removed, my intestines could move to their real homes. My bowels can breathe and re-inflate to do their job. I might just be back in the business of living.
Is this event a big marker on my path? Yes. But really, as always, it means I need to find a chemo that can work. I can’t stay alive with the volume of cancer I have.
So with love and luck, and hundreds of candles lit, maybe we can cheer the chemo on. Thursday I am happily re-ensconced in my chemo throne. Hoping yet realistic.
Thank you all! Love, marcy
livingly dying 
sending you love, luck, & effective chemo vibes.
xo
Marcy, you never cease to amaze me with your fortitude, determination, and strength. You are such an inspiration to me and I know to so many others. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and so hope for a chemo regimne that will work to get rid of the cancer.
Thank you for your posts. I think of you often and it is good to hear from you.
Hugs and prayers,
Yvonne
I wish I could understand. . . we are so different. You love life so much, I await what is next. Love, AK
I am so happy you have something for the pain, and hope you find a chemo that reduces the cancer burden
Wishing you the happiest, and painfree, spring. with love,
Tina
Sending you strength Marcy. Not that you are not tremendously strong! But strength that comes from a sip of water, or a moment of rest in the middle of the struggle. Strength for the journey and all that you contend with. With love and respect and awe. Show us girl. Prayers for chemo and hope.
Yes, we love you Marcy, even those of us who are merely virtual acquaintances. The details do matter and it is brave of you to share them. Thank you. Here’s to life!
Another miracle from the miracle child. I love you, Marcy.
Marcy
So good to hear you are back in business. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope for the best for you.
Yes, love, luck and a whole lotta candles! I’m so glad you get to go home and eat real food! Healing energy continuing your way. You ARE a miracle. (I kinda don’t want to blow out my candle)
Candle burning, prayers arising from us and from St. Luke’s Church in Waldport, and visions of you pain free with the right chemo. Sending love, luck, and strength from Jeanne & Kae
Sending healing energy your way : )
Okay, sister, nothing feels better than working bowels and a warm meal. I’m going to focus on your re-gaining both today. One step at a time, so by Thursday we’ll be on to voodoo-vibing chemo. Wishing you clean sheets on your own bed and kisses from those in closest proximity. You filled up my heart with this post.
Xoxoxo
warmly, marcy http://livinglydying.com/
On Apr 7, 2015, at 8:51 AM, livingly dying wrote:
WordPress.com
Reading and praying with what you share and keeping watch with you. Candle is still burning.
Keeping the candle out and lighting it each evening….blessings. Yay for real food and on to chemo!
You give new meaning to the phrase, “will to live.” Count me among those cheering for you, and holding you in my heart. Sending love.
Dear Marcy,
You are truly dancing with life, death and chemo!
What a wonder you are to hold it all…and to find many ways to ease your body’s pain – draining and fentanyl and chemo.
May you and your loved ones continue to meet whatever comes with grit and graceful determination.
all love,
Stephanie
https://www.mylifeline.org/StephanieSugars/updates
I love you!
warmly, marcy http://livinglydying.com/
On Apr 7, 2015, at 9:38 AM, livingly dying wrote:
WordPress.com
You are like Lazarus!! Amazing and so heartening! I did light all my candles and our writing group will light candles when we gather today. We miss you and your powerful and funny voice. much love, j
Marcy.
so glad to hear that you are more comfortable. You are in my prayers and I am sending good karma your way. Peace and comfort!
barbara
Wonderful news! Keep on living while we pray for chemo success . Love you much . Xo Cecelia
Sent from my iPhone Cecelia Nunn Haack
>
Yes! Candleslight and heart prayers for your ease and healing. Who knows? Maybe your cancer cells can acquiesce to live peacefully with your other cell communities, a path to which you have guided so many other communities….. Gentle hugs. Sylvia
The candles are lit and hope for health is winging your way. Glad to hear you can come home. Love and hugs.
As always, virtual hugs and chicken soup!
Lighting a candle today and hoping for chemo to lighten your load.
Marcy, you are such a powerful example of embracing the wonder of life, even when it sucks. You help me stay true and aware of 1) we are all dying, regardless of state of health, and 2) we are each a breath away from death. I have just this one, wonderful breath. Thank you for helping me live in this truth.
xo,
Sally (Holly Pruett friend and colleague)
Keep fighting Marcy. I will forever be grateful to you for showing me how to live. Thank you.
Judy Frohman
Marcy – You are in my daily thoughts and prayers and I’m lighting candles for you! You really are a badass. Sending lots of strength and will your way.
I will continue to pray for you, may you grow stronger each day
Enjoy that chemo throne! Wishing you all the best as you face whatever comes next.
You are living your death and imho that is the hallmark of a complete life. Candles and prayers continue.
May you find the comfort and peace from pain this next step in your journey brings.
Your resilience never ceases to amaze!
I am praying for you Marcy! You are an inspiration, and I will pray for peace and comfort for you! Keep on going, girl! We’ve got your back ❤
I am so glad that you’re as excellent an advocate for yourself as you are for the rest of the world! Even when you’re hospitalized and in great pain you still get those doctors to do what they didn’t think needed to be done. Fantastic news that you are so much improved.
Lee Ann
Marcy, I discovered your blog today from a comment I found from you wishing me well a month ago. I’ve been reading your blog since seeing that comment, and I want you to know that I am wishing you much strength as you go through this. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Marcy, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong. You’re an inspiration to many.
You are so strong and amazing Marcy. I am so glad you are able to stand up for yourself in the face of adversity and tell those doctors what to do. They DON’T know everything. I am so happy you feel better and can get on with living again. Let’s hope and pray this next chemo works for you. Love you.
Wow! With candleslight and lovingheart I send wishes for continued ease and health. Hugs, Sylvia W.
I don’t know you, but I love you. I hope everything goes as well as it can.
Marcy, I have a candle burning and again I thank you for you for sharing your journey. You are awesome! I am still learning so much form you. Sending love and wishing you luck and I hope the chemo went according to plan.
Sending love and luck, stay strong Marcy
Thinking of you, Marcy, every day. Sending love and luck and willing the chemo to give that cancer a good wollup.
Sending prayers your way.
You might consider in aiding with your chemo:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15099940/
http://www.prescottnaturopathicdoctors.com/index.php/services/cancer-treatment/cancer-treatment-articles/115-nutritional-oncology-research-institute-high-dose-selenium-therapy